Leadership vs Labels
Cutting a patch off of a vest without damaging the leather is a bit harder than you might imagine. Even with the care I put into snipping each stitch, the bottom third of the outline from my former House patch remains on my vest over 2 years later, visible beneath the self-designed and extra-AF patch that proudly says Spicy Kitten beneath a lesbian flag gradient hosting what is being lovingly referred to by my friends as a “very breedable” kitten. Who needs a House patch when you are your own home, right?
I thought being Leather, especially /r of the slash, came with being claimed. Whether that was by ownership through D/s, by belonging to a House or by holding a Leather Title. It could be a combination of all three, we certainly see that as the pillar, the holy grail, the collect-them-all moment in this community sometimes.
I am label-less in this community. I know that my saying those words made a few folks reading this cringe. I cringed too and as much as I feel frustrated with my own words, I recognize that living in a community full of Title holders and surrounded by social media-happy dynamics, it is easy to feel invisible if you don’t have a patch on your back or a collar around your neck. Are you even Leather if you aren’t Leather enough to stand on a stage and compete? Are you even Leather if you haven’t pledged yourself to a House? Are you even kinky if you don’t belong to someone else? Are you even submissive if you aren’t in a dynamic?
Title-talk is how I refer to the tables I usually end up sitting at. I am on the board of directors for two events that host Leather contests and on the operations team staff for a third. I’m not anti-Title. I adore our title holders and admittedly, I hold the title holders that I am close to to a very high standard. I can hear at least one of them laughing at that last sentence. Where I sit is no one’s choice but my own and yet, even with the knowledge that I am not actively seeking a Title or a dynamic, I find myself struggling to know where I truly fit in when I am surrounded by Title holders ranging from local Leather bar to International.
A few months ago, I had this amazing conversation sitting amidst my chosen family and friends. Surrounded by cigar smoke, our leather vests draped lazily on the backs of our chairs, we discussed the difference between pillars and popularity in our community. Those who truly stand to make a difference and those who bank on being loud, being seen, looking good but rarely actually living up to what we would call Leather standards. The difference between advocacy and keyboard warrior. The difference between leadership and labels. It takes someone special to both hold a Title and be a leader, that’s where we see the difference. All Title holders are popular and if they weren’t before their Title run, they certainly hold a new level of popularity once they win. But let’s be honest, not all Title holders are leaders: the difference between leadership and labels.
In 2024, I had the honor of joining the Carter Johnson Library as the Artist in Residence. This space with the Library encouraged growth that I will never fully be able to put into words. It pushed me beyond my own limits, led to my becoming a published author, kept me in the Leather community when I was ready to walk away. We have these incredible moments among the Library family. My Library family is my definition of capital L Leather. The honesty, the mirrors that we hold up to one another. The late night Leather chatter. It was here in this space that someone stopped the chat to remind the room that my sitting in it showed that leadership doesn’t require a Title. I went silent and took in these words from my friend. From one of our Leather elders. I left that chat with a softer grace for myself and the knowledge that even if sometimes I can’t see it, my community does.
I didn’t start in this space. My reputation was built with my community. The strength and confidence I have now as a Leatherwoman came from the relationships that I have cultivated and the time spent learning. That’s my real point in coming here today; to share that the labels don’t make you special. YOU make you special, the rest is just a bonus. The respect and my standing in this community is a combination of love, kindness, embracing my community and an openness to be small and understand there is a whole history of Leather that came before me. My early steps into Leather were shaky, those of a toddler. I saw this as a space for play more than anything. It is so much more than play. I made mistakes that I am still recovering from today. I made choices that I would scold one of our community kiddos for making, even if I love them through it because ultimately, we all start somewhere. Respect is earned through every little experience we have. Winning that Title, wearing that collar, showing off a patch - none of it relates to the core of who you are as an individual. None of those things will ever define you more than temporarily and if you rely on those solely, you are always going to miss out on what Leather truly is. And what Leather is not, which is equally as important to learn. Leather is not a destination, it is a journey. A deeply personal one.
Your leather doesn’t need to be gifted. Or earned. Or even leather. It’s okay if you don’t own a piece of leather. Read that last line again. Your leather gear does not define you. Leather is a lifestyle. A Title is not the end-game. You do not have to run for a Title to do good but if you do, run with the confidence that you will bring just as much to the Title as the Title can bring to you. A Title is not the only key to opening doors. Just knock when you need to be let in and if no one is home, keep trying. Volunteer. Be present. Be involved. Allow yourself to exist in this space as you are without the desperation of being owned by a dominant or earning a House or Title patch.. Most of all, be open to learning. Be open to love. Be open to growth and challenges. And, of course, embrace the kinky fun along the way.
In love and leather,
Spicy Kitten
Author of MEOW: the kinky, quirky collection of a leatherwoman
