Service: An Introspective Take on Providing Service
We hear the term service a lot in our space. One of the most popular ways I have seen it and heard it used lately is in the context of being a “service pet.” I want to dive not only into the ideas of providing service, but what I have defined as a core principle of providing service; service first requires service to self. This is a concept I have started thinking about since I set in on a class about service empowerment and why we enjoy, fantasize, and orgasm to either the providing of service or receiving of service. A key question I had running through my mind during that class is how do I rationalize my feelings about being provided service of things I can provide to myself when in a headspace of either DOM or Handler? Such as getting dressed/undress in my leathers with my boy. This is an act of service I know he really enjoys doing; particularly certain aspects such as putting on my gauntlets and vest. This in turn required me to think about why do I engage in providing service myself. Specifically, why do I get off on the idea of providing service with no expectation of reciprocation or acknowledgement? The answer was it is fucking hot! Because I am grounded in who I am and I acknowledge that providing service services my own needs too.
What is service?
Service in its noun formation means the act of doing something (usually helpful); typically for someone else. The verb formation is the performance of the action.
In our community we generally are engaged in the performance of the action as aservice inside the scene/dynamic we are engaged in. Service can be understood as protocols that have been negotiated between scene/dynamic partners. An example of this would be me and my boy’s protocols of getting dressed/undressed. Service can also be unique scenes in and of themselves such as providing cigar service and even potentially bootblacking. Being a service submissive or service pet can bring immense and even euphoric satisfaction for the submissive or pet inside the dynamic exchange. It is also helpful to point out that service is not limited to a submissive/pet role. Rather, service can exist in actions of the Dom/Top/Handler. Handlers provide service all the time by providing the service of caretaker for the pet. The performance of service in a dynamic/scene is often viewed as an act provided by the individual but not always acknowledged by the recipient. In my example of protocol it is the act of vesting or putting on the gauntlets, tying my gauntlets or shoes if they were to come untied without acknowledgement by me of the service provided by the boy.
The act of providing the service in and of itself can be all the individual needs for the emotional release of the service. In other situations the service can be the lead up to an eventual release. The build up of a service protocol can be the foreplay to an end goal of a scene or reward situation of a dynamic. Such as you keep protocol you will get fucked or get the honor of fucking me. This exchange can deepen dynamic bond; but a word of caution is to acknowledge your negotiations limits. Do not use it in a form beyond the negotiations such asa manipulation tool not agreed to by all parties. This not only can lead to trust issues inside the dynamic, but also could also have a negative impact on mental health particularly of the one in service to the other.
Why does service start with self?
I discovered the importance of service to self and its ability to heighten, encourage, and promote service through a support group I facilitate called PAWz (Physical Accountability Werkz) This weekly support group is designed to provide a safe space for members of the community to talk about physical and mental health. The goal of the group is to inspire each other through physical accountability, rational/realistic goal setting and ensuring tools and pathways exist for each individual to recognize they have the power to make tomorrow better than today. This model is based on the science of hope. One key principle we focus on is recognizing self and taking care of self. An observation from the group is the number of individuals who also identify as a service provider either in the form of a submissive/pet. A lot of conversations have revolved around how we as individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in feeling “of use” to someone else, even when the someone else does not recognize it.
This got me thinking about how we can reframe the service we provide others to inspire us to serve ourselves. What I have learned is that we provide better service to others when we are grounded in hope in ourselves first.However, a more important observation is that there is some selfishness in providing service if we are doing it in a negotiated, consented to manner. We have to acknowledge self, and the want to provide service before we can engage in the play. Therefore, we are empowering ourselves to do something we enjoy to the satisfaction or service of someone else. The only way we can and should engage in that service is if we are in a mindset that we wholeheartedly consented to and negotiated the service. This is empowering because it starts with self first.
In order to get to that yes we have to be introspective about where we are at in our headspace, where we are at in our physical and mental health journeys. Thus, before we can engage in service we need to take stock of our own self first. We have to provide a service to ourself checking off our needs of safety, security, fuel, energy, and desire before we can remotely begin to say yes. The Dom/Top/Handler who is receiving the service needs to also recognize that while they are the beneficiary of the service the service provider is doing it, because they are getting enjoyment and fulfillment out of the service to you. This matters because the recipient party needs to first understand that it is okay to acknowledge the selfish nature of providing service by the submissive/pet. Secondarily, to accept the service if it is negotiated and consented to between the parties. Third, exercise personal autonomy and respect of the service providers autonomy to ensure the physical and mental wellbeing of all the parties before, during, and/or after service. Not only are you empowering the service kink but you are also building stronger dynamics of trust,communication, and pure tantalizing fun when we honor these principles.
Titan Fenrir, Mr. Route 66 Leather 2025
